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No one has ever been rewarded so richly for their lesbianism as Ellen. Since this canary-faced Sapphite’s only skill lies in “being a lesbian,” my suspicion is that she became the world’s preeminent Lesbo Mogul because she was hand-picked to play a role, just like the similarly untalented billionaire Oprah Winfrey. Whereas Winfrey’s role was to soften up the fat white female man-haters who watch daytime TV to the point where they eagerly embrace shameless black identity politics, Ellen’s role was to make lesbians appear “relatable” and “normal” and even “kind.”