Archive for the ‘The Babylon Bee’ Category
Ohio-Area Turtles Develop Sudden Interest In Pizza, Martial Arts – The Babylon Bee
February 25, 2023
Posted in GOSSIP!, The Babylon Bee, Uncategorized |
Tags: At publishing time - reports had also surfaced that local rats were also taking a liking to martial arts - particularly "ninjutsu", Dozens of eyewitnesses have come forward with similar stories, In a bizarre development - turtles around Ohio have reportedly been spotted hanging around pizza parlors and practicing a wide variety of martial arts, Ohio-Area Turtles Develop Sudden Interest In Pizza - Martial Arts - babylonbee.com, While many locals have described the turtles as a "frightening menace" - local reporter April O'Neil has adamantly defended them
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Lucky Charms Unveils New Ukrainian Flag Marshmallow – The Babylon Bee
January 31, 2023. . . . .
Posted in GOSSIP!, New World Order, politics, The Babylon Bee, Vast Left Wing Stupidity |
Tags: "All the proceeds from this special edition of Lucky Charms go to Ukraine - much like your taxes, Dr. Dariush Mozaffarian — Joe Biden’s new Public Health© nutrition advisor — claims Lucky Charms© are healthier than fresh meat, General Mills announced today an exciting new addition to their Lucky Charms marshmallow lineup: Ukraine Flag charms, Lucky Charms Unveils New Ukrainian Flag Marshmallow - babylonbee.com, Sugar – especially the synthetic GMO corn-derived syrupy kind — drives systemic inflammation., The artificial food colorings used include Red 40 and Yellow 5 - both of which are contaminated with known carcinogens, The cereal company also reminded customers that supporting Ukraine "is part of a balanced breakfast", The ingredients list is chock full of other problems that I won’t cover for the sake of brevity, Virtually the entire macronutrient profile is carbohydrates - with very little healthy fat or protein, What’s actually in Lucky Charms© - the cereal endorsed by a Tufts University professor?, White House ‘nutrition advisor’ claims lucky charms are healthier than chicken - naturalnews.com
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10 Sexiest Halloween Costumes For Christians – Babylon Bee
October 30, 2022
Posted in Bible, Church Lady, fashion, GOD, GOSSIP!, JESUS, Satan, The Babylon Bee, Uncategorized |
Tags: 1) Church Secretary, 10 Sexiest Halloween Costume Ideas For Christians - babylonbee.com, 10) Summa Theologica: Now this may be a little too wild!, 3) Modest nurse: Everyone else dresses as a sexy nurse - BO-RING!, 4) Woman without a head covering: Hubba hubba!, 5) Risqué Fundamental Baptist: Get the scissors out and cut that denim skirt to show some ankle!, 8) Ruth and Boaz: One of the sexiest couples in the Bible!, 9) Sexy Martin Luther: It doesn't get sexier than a 15th-century Augustinian monk nailing a thesis to the wall, Just make sure to remind all the men in your life to bounce their eyes away for purity, We might have to pull the fire alarm over here and get the sprinklers going - cool everyone down a bit!
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Pentecostal Man Takes Pre-Workout Before Church Service – Babylon Bee
October 16, 2022
Posted in GOD, GOSSIP!, Health/Fitness, JESUS, The Babylon Bee, Uncategorized |
Tags: "And if the worship team breaks into a 30-minute spontaneous burpee worship sesh - you're in trouble if you're not in tip-top shape", "That's why I always stack supplements before getting my praise on!", "When the Spirit leads you to wave your arms around and roll around on the floor for three straight hours - it can really take it out of you" - said Twibbins, At publishing time Twibbins only made it halfway through morning worship as he pulled a hamstring while giving a prophetic word, Doctors typically recommend drinking plenty of water and stretching for at least one hour before any Pentecostal worship service, For more advanced worshippers - taking supplements is also recommended, In preparation for another grueling worship service - Pentecostal Sam Twibbins is loading up on a pre-workout concoction, Local Pentecostal Sam Twibbins is loading up on a pre-workout concoction of whey protein - creatine and beta-alanine for maximum gains and recovery, Pentecostal Man Takes Pre-Workout Before Church Service - BabylonBee.com, Sources say a typical Pentecostal worship service can burn up to seventeen thousand calories - depending on the level of anointing and outpouring that day
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Why Thor Love And Thunder Sucked – The Critical Drinker VIDEO
October 1, 2022. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Posted in GAY GAY GAY, GAY NEWS, GOSSIP!, Jim Hoft, John Nolte, Movies I Don't Want To See, Natalie Portman, Ryan George, The Babylon Bee, The Critical Drinker, Uncategorized |
Tags: Actually it's gonna be super easy - barely an inconvenience, AVOID AT ALL COSTS: “Thor Love and Thunder” – Unless You Like Woke Movies - Jim Hoft - thegatewaypundit.com, ‘Thor: Love and Thunder’ Review — Kinda Woke and Kinda Stinks - John Nolte - breitbart.com, Co-writer and director Taika Waititi’s Thor: Love and Thunder waits until the last half hour to show its woke cards, Female Thor Keeps Picking Up Wrench Instead Of Hammer And Asking 'Is This It?' - babylonbee.com, Join me as I compare two scenes from two Thor movies - to understand the difference between good and bad writing, Natalie Portman Loves that Disney’s ‘Thor 4’ Is ‘Gayest’ Marvel Movie Ever - David Ng - breitbart.com, Step inside the pitch meeting that led to Thor: Love and Thunder!, Thor Love And Thunder IS NOT GAY ENOUGH! The Outrage! - Mr. H Reviews - VIDEO, Thor: Love and Thunder Pitch Meeting - Ryan George - Pitch Meeting - VIDEO, Why Thor Love And Thunder Sucked - A Scene Comparison - The Critical Drinker - VIDEO
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The New Normal: Kids Myocarditis Awareness Commercial Running in New York State
September 16, 2022. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Posted in Big Gov, Big Pharma, GOSSIP!, Health/Fitness, Jim Hoft, New World Order, politics, The Babylon Bee, Uncategorized, Vaccines, Vast Left Wing Conspiracy |
Tags: CDC has reported eight cases of myocarditis - a potentially deadly type of heart inflammation - in elementary school students who received the Pfizer-BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine, Experts are hopeful that this miracle vaccine can stop cases of the once extremely rare heart condition that has recently spiked tremendously for no reason whatsoever, Heart inflammation cases confirmed in kids after Pfizer jabs - rt.com, In a recent statement - the CDC has stressed urgently that if you have been vaccinated for COVID then you’ll definitely need to get vaccinated for Myocarditis, Just In Time: Pfizer Introduces Miracle Treatment For Myocarditis - babylonbee.com, Pfizer has once again come to the world’s rescue by creating a new vaccine that prevents people from getting myocarditis, School District in New York Sends out Email Warning Parents of Sudden Cardiac Arrest in Students Grades K-12 - Jim Hoft - thegatewaypundit.com, The agency said there had been over 7 million vaccine doses in the 5-11 age group by December 9, The FDA’s benefit-risk assessment model predicted that the vaccine’s benefits for children aged 5-11 years “would outweigh its risks", The New Normal: Kids Myocarditis Awareness Commercial Running in New York State (VIDEO) - Jim Hoft - thegatewaypundit.com - VIDEO
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Stacey Abrams Announces She Will Succeed Elizabeth II As Queen – Babylon Bee
September 13, 2022
Posted in GOSSIP!, politics, The Babylon Bee, Vast Left Wing Stupidity |
Tags: "It is with a heavy heart that I accept my new responsibility as England's new Queen" - said Abrams solemnly, "They say 'heavy is the head that wears the crown ' - but my head was already heavy - so I'm used to it", Members of Parliament and Prime Minister Liz Truss joined in celebrating Queen Elizabeth's life and the heralding of a new - more diverse royal family, Queen Abrams' coronation is scheduled for next Tuesday, Righ tful Governor of Georgia Stacey Abrams announced that she will succeed Elizabeth II as the Queen of England only moments after the announcement of the Queen's death, Stacey Abrams Announces That With A Heavy Heart She Will Succeed Elizabeth II As Queen - babylonbee.com
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Power grid emergency in California after Green Policies screw everything up
September 8, 2022
Posted in Global Climate Disruption, global warming, GOSSIP!, New World Order, politics, The Babylon Bee, Vast Left Wing Stupidity |
Tags: At publishing time - Gavin Newsom realized he'd made a huge mistake as the only people left in California were now himself and 200000 homeless people, Los Angeles CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has declared a power grid emergency due to energy usage being at a 5-year high, Newsom explained that he's optimistic as more and more abandon the unlivable unaffordable mess he's making out of California this will create a surplus in all resources, Newsom has assured everyone that they will have plenty of electricity to spare as soon as everyone leaves the state to live in Florida instead, Newsom Promises There Will Be Enough Electricity For All Californians After Everyone Moves To Florida - baylonbee.com, This will create a surplus in all resources for all who remain
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‘ FBI Raid On Melania’s Closet Justified,’ Says Merrick Garland – The Babylon Bee
August 25, 2022
Posted in Cross-dressing, Donald Trump, Fashion Faux Pas, GOSSIP!, New World Order, politics, The Babylon Bee, Vast Left Wing Stupidity |
Tags: 'The FBI Raid On Melania's Closet Was Justified' Says Merrick Garland Wearing Gorgeous New Evening Gown And Sun Hat - babylonnee.com, At publishing time - Trump had taken to Truth Social to announce that all his golf clubs were also missing., Attorney General Garland released a statement to assure everyone the raid was completely justified, Eyewitnesses noted he looked unusually fetching in an elegant Dolce & Gabbana evening gown and a Dior sun hat, FBI Director Christopher Wray echoed the statement as he strode up to the Hoover Building in a dazzling pair of diamond-encrusted Alexander McQueen stilettos, Jean-Pierre also claimed that Trump is promoting an “insidious lie” about the recent FBI raid of his Mar-a-Lago residence, Jean-Pierre refused to address details of the FBI raid - insisting that President Biden had no prior knowledge of the incident, Many Americans up in arms over the unprecedented raid of former President Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago by the FBI, Poll numbers show that the FBI raid on President Trump's Mar-a-Lago home has a bad stench to the public, The Attorney General then did a little spin in his purple gown as the press gasped with delight
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Biden Orders FBI To Raid His House Too – The Babylon Bee VIDEO
August 21, 2022. . . . .
Posted in Donald Trump, GOSSIP!, Joe Biden, New World Order, politics, The Babylon Bee, Vast Left Wing Stupidity |
Tags: "Hey FBI guys - I could use some of those higher poll numbers" - wrote President Biden on a piece of paper before shoving it under the basement door, After Seeing The Jump In Trump’s Poll Numbers Biden Orders FBI To Raid His House Too - babylonbee.com VIDEO, FBI agents Scoulder and Mully hold a press conference where they reveal the incriminating evidence found in Trump's safe - VIDEO, FBI Reveals Items Found In Trump's Safe - The Babylon Bee - VIDEO, President Biden responded to seeing Trump's jump in poll numbers by ordering the FBI to raid his house too, These orders come at a time when Biden's approval rating has reached record lows
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