I masturdated for the first time a couple of years ago.
The stigma of solo pleasure had stopped me from starting earlier.
Since starting though, it’s hard to stop.
And frankly why would you want to?
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Masturdation is the subtle art of self-gratification. But not in the sexual sense of the word.
“Masturdating involves going to a restaurant alone, sitting at a table alone, and enjoying a meal alone, all the while knowing that other diners in your vicinity are looking at you, feeling sorry for you, and most likely coming to the conclusion that you’re a bit of a loser,” writes Patrick McAleenan, in The Telegraph, London.
“The scene can be redrawn for the cinema or, when you’re feeling really indulgent, the theatre – but the reactions are always the same.”
The reaction is that you’re weird and must be a Nigel, no friends.