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White Men Can’t Grump

white tuxedo



White Guy

By Randall Hoven

May 31st, 2009



Some stories are more
compelling than others.  
Some Latina females 
have compelling stories.  
So do some white males.

Is this story compelling?

  • A woman went to private grade school, high school, college and law school, all in the normal sequence.

  • Immediately after law school, at age 24, she worked as an attorney and later became a judge.

  • Married, divorced, no kids.

  • Last year she made over $200,000 in salary, but that doesn’t go as far as one might think in Greenwich Village, where she owns her condo.

There were some tough times.  
Her father died when 
she was nine.  

She grew up in public housing.  
She is diabetic and needs insulin, 
a condition shared by about 
1.2 to 2.4 million others in the US.  

Her mother worked hard as a nurse, 
at times holding two jobs.

Oh, and she’s Latina.

Of course, 
I’m talking about 
Sonia Sotomayor, who said,

“I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

                    View Image

Or not.  
I hear that some white males go 
to school and become attorneys.  
Some have diabetes.  
Some even have mothers 
who worked hard.

Some had a parent die 
when they were young.  

Of the dozen or so close male 
friends I grew up with, 
two lost a parent in grade 
school or high school.  

My own three children 
lost their mother (my wife) 
when they were eight and two.

About that public housing thing, 
we are reminded by people 
like Jesse Jackson

“that invisible poor are white. 
The visible poor are black and brown. 
But most poor people are neither black nor brown. 
They’re white.”

So by my math, 
the only difference between 
a Latina woman and a white 
male is that the white male 
is white, and male.  

(Assuming you consider 
Latino as non-white, 
which Judge Sotomayor 
apparently does.)

Not to belittle Judge Sotomayor’s 
but the “richness of her experiences” 
seems to drop off past adolescence.  

Once she started Princeton 
(at age 18?), 
her experiences of successful student, attorney and judge might be rich, 
but how different from white males 

who also became judges?

Believe it or not, white males 
can have rich experiences.  

And some rich experiences are 
known to happen after childhood.

For example, 
did Judge Sotomayor witness 
the birth of her first child and 
see the physician panic as he 
realized the umbilical cord was 
wrapped three times around 
the child’s neck?  

I did.  

Does she remember her thoughts 
at the moment she realized there 
was a chance her first-born child 
might be an invalid for life?  

I do.

Did Judge Sotomayor lose her 
spouse and life companion when 
her children were young — 
two still in diapers — 
to become a single parent?  

I did.

Did Judge Sotomayor watch 
her daughter dying slowly of 
heart disease, 
but then saved by a heart 
transplant at the age of 15?  

I did.  

Did she watch her daughter start to hallucinate and lose consciousness 
just before a doctor plunged the 
largest needle in the world through 
her chest in an emergency to drain 
the fluid around her heart and 
save her life?  

I did.

Those white guys I grew up 
with had some experiences, 
some of which might be called 

                           View Image

Some enlisted in the service, 
in wartime.  

Some went to college 
and some didn’t.  

They all worked, 
and in virtually every case, 
in a job they didn’t like.  

Most had kids, which tended 
to tie them to those jobs they 
didn’t like.  

Some had healthy kids, 
and some didn’t.  

Some lost loves and 
some lost loved ones.  

I know of no marriage 
that was trouble-free.  

Some succumbed 
to substance abuse.  

None became wealthy 
or powerful.

The kid who lived across the 
street from me where I grew up, 
my best friend through much 
of childhood, 
is now in prison for life for 
murdering his girlfriend.

I reveal these things not to 
get sympathy or anything like it, 
but because I am sick and tired 
of so many non-whites and 
females acting like white males 
know nothing of life but some 
kind of mythical white-bread 

Here’s a hint: 
nobody grew up with 
Leave It To Beaver or 
Ozzie and Harriet.  
Those were TV shows.

White males in real life tend 
not to go on Oprah, so you 
non-white females might not 
be familiar with us.

You might think white guys 
wear suits in suites.  

That’s where you find them on TV.  

Here is where I see white guys: 
in uniform on military bases 
around the country, 
in gowns in hospitals, 
in shirts with name patches 
and changing the oil at the 
in greasy jeans fixing 
my plumbing, 
teaching my kids algebra, 
giving mouth-to-mouth 
to an unconscious victim 
who just vomited, 
volunteering in community theater, 
collecting money at the local 
intersection for 
handicapped children.

The richness of our experiences 
is what we white guys call “life.”  

I’m sure Princeton was rich, 

Judge Sotomayor’s statement 
does not bother me because 
it is racist.  

It bothers me because it reveals 
shallowness and a poverty of 
experience that has no place 
on the bench of the Supreme Court.


The Good Morning by ★ spunkinator.





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