Eva Longoria loves sex toys!

The latest National Enquirer is reporting that Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria loves sex toys!

“I send them to all my friends!” Eva was quoted as saying, at least according to The Enquirer.

She seems to be ignoring warnings from the busy bodies at Greenpeace.

The Greenpeace know it alls warn that sex toys contain phthalates, which are already banned in kiddie toys. A pal of Eva’s leaked to the Enquirer that Eva does not need to use the toys for more than an hour a day, since she got married to Tony Parker. It seems that the Desperate Housewife is not that desperate since she got married.

The Greenpeace watchdogs say that using a sex toy for more than an hour a day is hazardous to your health. Perhaps they should change their name to Green Piece, they are so concerned with everyone’s sex life. On second thought, perhaps Green Peace should mind their own business!

If Eva Longoria wants to self pleasure herself, I am not interested, unless she makes a self sex tape of the process, in which case I will be VERY interested in reviewing the footage for …um…personal reasons.

Do not tell GreenPeace, they might say that whatever I’m doing is hazardous to my health.

Hey, I can take having hair grow out of my palms in the interest of reviewing Eva’s self service performance.

And I promise not to use a dangerous sex toy while doing so. I have two well functioning sex toys at the end of my arms and they do not require batteries.

Please do not tell Green Peace on me or they may ban that also.